By Elizabeth Weill-Greenberg
When I saw Us Weekly’s headline “Saint or Sinner” above a picture of Angelina Jolie, I felt like a heroin addict who couldn’t wait for her next fix. My subscription was coming in a few days; there was no need to shell out the money, I repeatedly told myself. Ultimately I soothed my cravings with Star magazine. But that’s like snacking on ice cream when you want crack. (Full disclosure: A grad school chum of mine works at Us Weekly. Holy shit. Is it just me or did that sound so classy?)
Finally, my Us Weekly arrived and it was a deliciously thorough, accurate and analytical report on Jolie’s hypocrisy – how she loves using the press to stage photo ops with her imported handbags, er, kids, to shore up her image as the world’s #1 humanitarian and mom.
Jolie is in my top five of most hated celebrities -- along with Halle Berry, Julia Roberts and Madonna (See: baby buy, Africa).
See, I’ll always prefer celebrities who don’t pretend to be any more than they are. I’ll take the genuine souls on Celebrity Fit Club and Dancing With the Stars (Steve Sanders!) over the Jolies any day. Those wonderful schmucks just get up and perform, since they are, well, performers – no less, and certainly no more.
But the celebrity media – of which I’m an avid consumer – consistently heaps on the Jolie worship.
Why do I hate her, you might ask? Well, why would I like her? For some reason getting your photo snapped with poor, dark-skinned kids seems to make you an angel and an expert on all things foreign n’ sad. But she sure does look super pretty when she’s getting her photo snapped in those icky-ucky refugee camps holding a note pad.
And as we all know, she doesn’t just visit those dirty places, she likes to bring home a little souvenir. Her latest keychain: a three-year-old Vietnamese boy. Jolie changed his name from Pham Quang Sang to Pax. I mean, I see her point – his name was crazy ethnic. Like so ethnic it wasn’t even cool. You know, like a little ethnic is good but it should at least be pronounceable.
Us Weekly consistently exposes the truth behind celebrities’ public aw shucks, no cameras, please! humble personas. And if they get fed a bullshit story they’ll give you all the hints in the world to understand that the “anonymous” source was the celebrity’s own publicist or manager.
And that’s so much more than just about every other celebrity magazine out there. Entertainment Weekly, to which I also subscribe, is just a pile of PR poop. Yeah, poop. In light of The New Yorker’s story on how 24’s torture fun was actually influencing real-life soldiers, how did EW respond? Well, a cover story spread on THE BEST SHOW ON TEEVEE – 24! Jennifer Lopez has been getting slammed for her allegedly craptastic Spanish language CD and her movie, Bordertown. So what does that pillar of journalism do? A fluff interview with Jenny from the Block.
Us Weekly – unlike too many of its brethren – isn’t scared to bite the hand that feeds them, sometimes at least.
Who do you nominate for the 5th position on the most hated celebs list? (Some possible nominees: Natalie Portman, Will Smith)
Screenshots
America’s Next Top Model
I originally thought Natasha, the young Russian bride, was anything but sweet. But I was wrong. She, along with Jael, are refreshingly genuine.
Last week the gals went to an L.A. star-studded party with gasp-worthy guests like Tia and Tamera Mowry, 50 Cent, Nicole & Paris and Jason from Laguna Beach. While the ANTM hopefuls flitted and giggled around 50 Cent, Jael acted like his equal – and, consequently, annoyed the shit out of him. He, utterly unimpressed, pushed her into the pool and the eternally giggling Natasha jumped in afterwards. Tyra’s humorless manager Benny Medina quickly scolded them, while his very L.A. entourage looked on.
When Natasha had to pose as a hip-hop fella she sunk into the character and even created her own grill out of a gum wrapper. She’s filled with an enviable, sincere joy when Tyra calls her name. And her narcissism is actually endearing. As Nigel “I saw you on the street and you looked too worthless to even give a dirty look to!” Barker said, she actually charms when she boasts. Natasha: You’ve charmed me.
Who are you rooting for?
The Hills
Am I the only one on Heidi’s side in the Lauren/Heidi fight? Yeah, Heidi’s boyfriend is a douche but that doesn’t mean Lauren has to tell Heidi, her alleged BFF: "I hate him." As long as you’re with him I don’t want to hear about him.
So Lauren forces her BFF to choose between her best friend and her boyfriend. And then she gets angry when Heidi isn’t spending enough time with her. Well, what is she supposed to do? Lauren is the one who dated that coke-head who has a bad habit of beating people up. And what did Heidi do? She was Lauren’s friend – supportive and not judgmental. So why can’t Lauren bite her fucking tongue, pretend to like Heidi’s boyfriend and just be her BFF’s BFF. As Heidi so eloquently said, “I was never, like, I dislike Jason. And I expect the same courtesy.” But this isn’t the first time Lauren has been an unsupportive c-u-next-Tuesday. When Heidi landed a job at Bolthouse Productions and called Lauren to squeal over her news, Lauren seethed with passive aggressive judgment and then hung up on her, pretending they got disconnected.
Where do you stand on the Heidi/Lauren debate?
The Peach Pit is a column on trashy TV and DVDs – except when Elizabeth compromises and watches her boyfriend’s choices.
Why I eagerly await each new Peach Pit:
"her imported handbags, er, kids"
"c-u-next-Tuesday"
As for most-hated celebs, Peach Pit would surely agree Tyra should make the list.
Posted by: Emma | 04/12/2007 at 10:10 PM